My eldest has a severe food allergy and I thought I could keep her safe by controlling every aspect of our lives. It backfired.

For almost 12 years, I believed that being a good mother meant keeping my child safe at all costs. My journey into parenthood began with a traumatic birth, leading to my first child being diagnosed with a severe dairy allergy, which prompted a frantic trip to the Emergency Room when she was just five months old. This harrowing experience ignited my relentless desire to control every aspect of our lives to prevent another allergic reaction.

Initially, my efforts seemed successful; we avoided further incidents for years. This led me to believe that my control was the key to safety, and I became a helicopter parent, subconsciously steering my child's friendships and activities toward safer alternatives instead of allowing her to experience the world fully. My fears of what could go wrong effectively limited our lives, creating a dependency in my children that I struggled to recognize.

As I faced personal hardships, including a divorce, I realized that my approach wasn't sustainable. The emotional exhaustion prompted me to reflect deeply on my parenting style during the COVID-19 pandemic. I sought therapy to confront my fears and began to explore new interests such as hiking and paddleboarding, ultimately sharing these experiences with my children.

Slowly, I learned to embrace my own identity and, in turn, see my children for who they truly are, rather than who I thought they should be. I shifted my mindset away from dissuading them based on my fears to accepting their individuality, leading to a more nurturing environment where they have been able to thrive.

Over time, while my eldest has continued to experience allergic reactions, we’ve grown together from these challenges. I’ve come to realize that although I cannot control many aspects of life, I can support my children in learning to navigate their own experiences, fostering their independence and resilience as they explore the world. Moments like watching my daughter smile on the beach in Hawaii remind me that life, despite its uncertainties, is meant to be lived fully.